


oh, i think i'm breaking down again

by keanushair



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Financial Issues, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Skam Season 3, i wrote this at 2am, lucas is still figuring out how to handle eliott's hypomanic state, lucas is struggling but eliott is there for him, supportive boyfriend eliott, supportive boyfriend lucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 03:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18175115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keanushair/pseuds/keanushair
Summary: "Lucas decided that from this moment onward, he would forever be regarded as a pathetic human being"(or: a moment in which lucas isn't doing very well, but neither is eliott)





	oh, i think i'm breaking down again

**Author's Note:**

> hey-o, this is my first time posting here but basically i thought about lucas and eliott being supportive of each other even when times get tough. so i wrote this, hopefully you enjoy it.
> 
> (note: nothing intense happens, but not wanting to have sex with a partner who does want to have sex is mentioned and explored briefly)

**To Dad (14:31):** really need rent money. can you send the transfer soon pls? thanks

 **To Dad (15:12):** please, i have to pay back my roommate…

It had been nearly three weeks since Lucas was supposed to pay his share of the rent and yet he found himself unable to follow through. Lisa had agreed to front his portion for the time being, but three weeks is a long time to go without paying somebody back. Guilt pooled in his stomach and settled there.

The older boy next to him, blissfully unaware of the situation, was frantically moving his pencil across the page in a series of connected motions. Eliott had been drawing for the better part of two hours now and seemed to have no intentions of stopping anytime soon. He’d gone on a seven-minute rant about the craftsmanship of one-line drawings and so now he was dedicated to completing one himself. Lucas had a sneaking suspicion that Eliott was entering a hypomanic state seeing as just the day before he had been all over Lucas in the middle of school, mindlessly grabbing at him and whispering things that should never be said in a school setting. Lucas was still new to this whole thing and so he didn’t want to assume Eliott’s current state of being and so he just let Eliott draw and rant – Lucas never minded.

 **From Dad (17:08):** Meet for dinner tonight? I’ll give you the $ then.

Lucas groaned. He felt like throwing his phone but if he did then it would distract Eliott, and so he swallowed his anger. He should be used to this by now – his dad forcing him to comply to his rules, always giving him an ultimatum as though Lucas really had any choice in the situation, manipulating things for his benefit – and yet he still finds himself bright and angry every time the situation arises. He didn’t have a choice, not really, and so he bit back a string of swears and responded.

 **To Dad (17:10):** ok. what time/where?

 **From Dad (17:14):** I’ll pick you up. 19h30.

He didn’t want Eliott to know about the situation and so when Eliott asked what was wrong, he simply told him that he had a lot of work to do and that it was stressing him out. Eliott said he understood, said his one-line drawing was stressing him out too, but that they both needed to get their respective goals done. Eliott said he believed in Lucas, which made Lucas smile. The moment was ruined when Lucas lied to Eliott – telling him that he was going to study with Imane for a short while but that he’d be back soon. Eliott didn’t seem to mind.

“Don’t take too long, okay? I’ll miss you.” Eliott gave him two quick pecks and one more on the cheek before letting Lucas leave. As Lucas shut the door, he could hear the sound of Eliott’s pencil tip breaking. This was the 4th time it had broken in the span of ten minutes.

 

When Lucas got back from the restaurant, he felt drained in every sense of the word. Meeting up with his father always made Lucas feel worse than he already did. It reminded him of how horrible his life had once been, and how dependent he currently is on a man who often forgets Lucas even exists. His father can go weeks, months even, without acknowledging that his son is out there in the world, struggling to get by on his own. Lucas tries to not let it get to him, but nights like this are a painful reminder that those feelings still exist within him. When he finally stepped inside of his room and shut the door behind him, he wished that the floor would suddenly give way and envelop him into the unknown depths hidden below. He would give anything to close his eyes and disappear.

He couldn’t do that though.

“Baby! How was the study session? I missed you so fucking much.”

Eliott had papers trailed across the floor, which slightly annoyed Lucas. Being with his father all evening always sparks something deeply hidden within him and gives it new life. Tonight, it was the reminder of his old cleanliness habits. He’d had to embody a house-worker role for a long period of time back home before the divorce. His mother wouldn’t be able to clean for weeks or months on end and his father seldom participated in helping out in any capacity. In order to not have a repeat of the time in which their house was fumigated, Lucas began to become obsessed with cleanliness. As he got older, this habit calmed down and gradually went away. Seeing the papers on the floor became an uncomfortable reminder of his past home life.

“It was good. Just tired now.” Lucas was already pulling his shirt and pants off by the time that he was sitting down on his bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Eliott staring at him, which would usually make him flush with desire, but tonight it embarrassed him. He was tired and felt gross – the last thing he felt in this moment was sexy.

He got into bed and Eliott immediately snaked his arm around Lucas’s small midsection. Despite the fogginess in his head, Lucas couldn’t help but ease into Eliott’s touch and bury himself even further into Eliott’s arms. Eliott smelled like home, which was all Lucas needed in this moment. Unfortunately for him, Eliott needed something a little different than just domestic comfort. He could feel Eliott beginning to press small kisses on his neck, which Lucas always loved and appreciated. These small kisses then turned into small hickeys, which then turned into Eliott stabilizing himself on top of Lucas, which then turned into so much more than Lucas could process at the moment. Lucas felt heavy and dizzy and like static had taken up permanent residence in his mind. He could feel how much Eliott wanted him, and usually he would want this too, and so he tried to make himself desire what he knew Eliott desired. He let his hand bury itself into Eliott’s hair while his other hand was pressed firmly against his broad back. Eliott began pushing Lucas's legs open a little further and Lucas let him - his limbs suddenly feeling both very heavy and weightless at the same time. As Eliott bit little kisses into Lucas’s neck and whispered promises into his ear, Lucas stared up at the ceiling with a blank expression.

 _I_ _f Eliott knew what you were doing right now, he’d hate himself. You’ll make him feel guilty if you keep going on like this_ , Lucas scolded himself because he knew he was right. Once Eliott lifted his head up from his neck to kiss his lips instead, Lucas twisted his head slightly so that he could speak.

“Wait,” He took a deep breath and placed one hand on Eliott’s chest and let the other stay tangled in his hair. “Maybe we should just sleep tonight, yeah? I’m feeling kind of tired.” Lucas could see that Eliott’s eyes were wide, blown, and dark – thick with the kind of craving that Lucas physically couldn’t conjure up in this moment. He hated himself in this moment more than he thought was possible. He felt weak, inadequate, and unworthy.

Eliott climbed off of him without saying a word, turned to the side, and pulled the covers up to his chin. He was as still as a statue and Lucas could tell that he was frustrated. If the mattress could swallow him whole, Lucas would be grateful. He turned to the other side, not being able to bare the sight of Eliott’s back anymore, and let his eyes drill holes into the patchy wall in front of him. His thoughts came rushing at the speed of light – his dad, Eliott, _la coloc_ , his slipping grades, his mom’s well being. It all became too much for him in the middle of the night. He closed his eyes but hot tears slipped through anyway and began streaming down his cheeks. Suddenly, he was full on sobbing. His body started to shake violently and uncontrollably, as the thick tears made his throat feel too dense to produce any sound. With each sob his body rocked and Lucas decided that from this moment onward, he would forever be regarded as a pathetic human being.

_Get a grip. You’ll wake up Eliott and he’s already mad at you. Why are you crying anyway?_

He let himself sob until his throat began to feel raw and his jaw was sore from the constant tension. When he finally cried himself dry, he felt unbearably empty. The room felt cold and he became hyper-aware of just how quiet everything was. He quickly darted his eyes over to see if he could catch a peak of Eliott, but he was too far over, and so he returned his eyes to the patchy wall.

Suddenly, he felt something tentatively touch his shoulder – startling Lucas. He’s sure that he’s tensing up under his lovers touch, but Eliott still slowly reaches over and rubs Lucas’s shoulder, gently massaging it. When Lucas doesn’t completely recoil, he can feel Eliott slip closer and wrap his arms around the younger boy, completely enveloping him into his warm presence. Lucas feels overwhelmed, not necessarily in a bad way, but just overwhelmed enough to feel like he might start crying again anyway. Eliott presses a quick kiss on the back of Lucas’s neck, this time with seemingly no further intentions, and Lucas can feel Eliott’s eyelashes flutter shut right where his lips had just been.

Lucas knows this can’t be easy for Eliott to do at this moment, and so Lucas makes sure to give silent praise to the love of his life. He can only hope that Eliott understands how grateful he is to have him in his life.

Lucas’s head still threatens to burst at any moment, but it’s better for now. Images of his father screaming or his mother crying still flash hot and bright in his head, but Eliott’s touch anchors him back down. For the first time in a long time, his eyes begin to droop shut and Lucas doesn’t fight it.

Before he completely drifts to sleep, he hears Eliott whisper something, almost inaudible.

“I’m right here, Lucas. I’m here.”

A tear falls down his cheek again, but this time a smile accompanies it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this little story. i tried to do my research regarding hypomania, but please let me know if something about its depiction could be improved. 
> 
> follow me on tumblr & send prompts there: unmecchelou.tumblr.com
> 
> (ps: title is from the song "breaking down" by florence + the machine)


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